(The following is the first Maiden to Married post. So, if you’ve read that, you don’t have to read this.  Unless you just loved it that much!  I wanted to keep it easily accessible so that new people could read what this blog is all about!)

Welcome to the Official Maiden to Married Blog!  Let me tell you the deal and tell you what I’m hoping for.  Basically, I’d love for this blog to have contributions from brides, newlyweds and wives.  All about the wedding journey.  The process/transformation that happened/is happening for you from being single to the wedding to being married and into the first year of marriage.  Not so much the planning and the logistics as the emotional, psychological and inner life.

Here’s a little of my story:

I got married April 2008.  Early in my engagement (a 6-month engagement), a friend of mine brought to my attention a book called The Conscious Bride by Sheryl Paul.  This book changed my engagement experience.  It’s all about what I like to refer to as the “underbelly” of the engagement process.  Most of us, upon getting engaged, are inundated with the idea that it should be “the happiest time of our lives.”  While it’s certainly a beautiful time, a time to be celebrated, it’s not always the happiest.  Many brides experience anxiety, doubt, confusion and fear along their way to the alter.  One of my favorite quotes comes from Sheryl Paul’s book:

For some, their engagement is a joyous time filled with planning and animated discussion about their wedding day and future life together. For most, however, the engagement is a combination of excitement, stress, bliss and confusion. The roots of the excitement and happiness are clear; it is the stress and confusion of this time that have been ignored.

If this is a new idea for you, some have a tendency to think that this about the “bridezilla,” but it’s not.  I was dubbed (yes, I’m super proud of this) as being one of the best brides the lovely people at the Hyatt Regency Huntington Beach (CA) have ever worked with.  I tried to be a very calm and collected bride.  I was never one to plan my wedding when I was little.  But, for whatever reason, once I got engaged “bride head” took over and I was off.  Like I said, I tried to be calm and collected, but there was no doubt that the upcoming wedding details consumed most of my thinking – and daily activities.

There were times when I felt sad, times when I felt completely unconnected from my fiance and times I just didn’t feel much at all.  During these “negative” times, I usually thought that something was wrong, which is what most brides think.  Little do we realize how commonplace these feelings really are and how much a part of the transformation they are.

As Sheryl Paul points out, there are many other cultures that prepare a woman for marriage.  They take this rite of passage very seriously and know what a big life change it is.  In our culture, however, the emphasis is placed on making that one day perfect.  Making that ONE, 24-hour period, pretty, striking, eye-catching, all with the aim that it will be the HAPPIEST day of your life.  What we’re not told is that it only lasts as long as any 24-hour period can last and that we don’t remember much of it, anyway.  Thank God for photos! (SIDE NOTE: Seriously, invest in a good photographer!)  Some points are very vivid.  Others, as a friend recently pointed out to me about her wedding, are recalled only through the stories of those who were there.

So, before I write a novel on the subject, let me move on.  Through the process of my own wedding and what I have witnessed in others, I have begun to make it my career to be a bridal coach – a life coach for brides – working with brides (and any family or friends) who are looking to be truly present through the time of engagement and on their wedding day.  Brides who feel anything other than super happy all the time (and there are those out there who feel this way, and I’d love to hear from you, too!).

But, I am not ultimately promoting myself as a bridal coach in this blog.  I would like this to be a forum for brides and newlyweds from brides, newlyweds and wives.  What is your journey like?  What was your journey like? There are a few books out there on this topic, but I want to get up-to-the-minute with it.  Real time.  What’s happening NOW?  What happend before that you want to share with those going through it now?

Although I am open to most discussions about the above, I’d love to start off with the following questions:

What do you feel you weren’t told about this journey that you wish you had been?  What do you feel you were told about that isn’t/wasn’t at all what others said it was?

AND/OR

(I try not to have regrets as we can’t change the past, but…) What would you say is your biggest regret?  What would you have done differently on your wedding/marriage journey?

I invite all brides, newlyweds, wives, divorcees, friends and family of brides to contribute, be honest and know that you’re helping out a fellow woman.

Thank you!


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