I’d like to recommend to brides that you, as best you can, just let go on your wedding day.  You’ve done all the work, you’ve planned and gone over and over the details, it’s time to just let it go – free fall with the beauty of the day.  It may not all go as you planned.  It may go better.  It may go worse.  But, the more you hang on to the vision that you created while planning and stressing and planning, the less likely you are to be present for your wedding day – to enjoy each moment as it comes, each moment as it goes.  It’s YOUR wedding day, feel it, breathe it, be it, enjoy it, find all the true beauty in it.

I speak from personal experience here.  I had decided to have a kind of Brazilian meets Flamenco guitar music during my ceremony.  I found someone who was very professional and who had some songs that I just truly loved.  They were earthy and grounded and celebratory and passionate.  I picked the song I wanted to be played as guests arrived, the song as the wedding party walked down the aisle, the song as I walked down with my dad, the song during our sand ceremony and the song during the recessional.  I printed all the selections in my programs (which I designed).

Guess which one he got wrong?  Yup.  The bridal processional.  The one where I walk down with my daddy – the first man most girls love.  It was a long walk along a lengthy fountain to our “alter.”  I couldn’t hear the music right away, but the moment I could I realized it was the song that was to be played previously, when my bridesmaids walked down.  It wasn’t as melodic or pretty as the one I’d chosen for me.  And it immediately sent me into a head whirlwind of wanting to stop and start over.

I turned to my dad and said, “He’s playing the wrong song.”  My dad told me to let it go.  I’m sure he was emotionally involved in this moment as I’m his only daughter, hell, I’m his only child, and he probably wanted to share it with me as much as I wanted to share it with him and all I could think is that the guitar player was playing the wrong song.  Our wedding coordinators were there, too (mainly just day-of), and they were filming and as we passed them I looked over and mouthed, “He’s playing the wrong song,” in hopes that they, as my coordinators, would fix it.  No such luck.  In the video I got from our videographers, you can actually hear me say those words.  It’s kind of embarrassing to watch.  I tried to reconnect with my dad and let it go, but it kept bothering me.

You can see it on my face here:

dadandme

As we walked, I had moments where I REALLY wanted to try to change what was happening with the music and moments where I just REALLY wanted to connect with this moment with my dad.

When I got up to the alter and I found myself facing my husband-to-be, I said to myself, “Liza, you need to let this go NOW or you will miss your entire wedding.”  And I did.  I let it go.  I can’t say there weren’t moments later when I didn’t think about the mishap and wish it didn’t happen, but during the ceremony where I became a wife to my love, Tom, I let it go.  And I focused on it.  And it’s truly wonderful that I did.  I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I’d hung on to something as simple as song to forgo my wedding union.  And that’s really all it is.  Just a song on a guitar played as I walked for few moments in a white dress.  I’m sure no one else present that day has any recollection of ANY song that was played, let alone that one.

It would have been even more beautiful had I let it go earlier and truly connected in with my father, my hero and role model (along with my mom), as we participated in an age-old tradition, a true part of the transformation.  But you learn from these things.  And I believe things happen for a reason.  I had a truly wonderful time with my dad.  We’d taken a walk together the night before during the rehearsal dinner and talked then.  Plus, I’m so immensely grateful now that I live near him and my mom.  I connect with them every chance I get.

So, enough about me.  Brides, I invite you to let go.  To free fall.  The meaning behind the day, the union of you and your loved one, and your friends and family that are there to witness it are there to catch you.  Some weddings feel perfect, some less than perfect.  But, if you can let go and embrace whatever comes your way as a beautiful gift, you can’t avoid perfection.  Newlyweds, if you’re rehashing moments that weren’t what you expected, I invite you to consider that maybe they were just what were supposed to be.

Letting go of perfection can allow true beauty, connection and meaning to come.

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