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While randomly clicking on various wedding-related blogs and things this morning, I happen to come across the following article on Southern Event Planners blog.  It’s about what to do with your wedding dress when your wedding day has come and gone.  When I first started reading the article, I thought it might talk about the whole “trash the dress” trend.  But it didn’t.  It gave a great place where you can donate your dress and the proceeds go toward granting the wish of a breast cancer patient.  This is personally close to me as I lost my aunt a few years ago to breast cancer.  I know letting go of your wedding dress may not be easy for some people, but, when and if you come to that point in your life, this could be a great way to let it go.  Click here to read about it.

I’d like to recommend to brides that you, as best you can, just let go on your wedding day.  You’ve done all the work, you’ve planned and gone over and over the details, it’s time to just let it go – free fall with the beauty of the day.  It may not all go as you planned.  It may go better.  It may go worse.  But, the more you hang on to the vision that you created while planning and stressing and planning, the less likely you are to be present for your wedding day – to enjoy each moment as it comes, each moment as it goes.  It’s YOUR wedding day, feel it, breathe it, be it, enjoy it, find all the true beauty in it.

I speak from personal experience here.  I had decided to have a kind of Brazilian meets Flamenco guitar music during my ceremony.  I found someone who was very professional and who had some songs that I just truly loved.  They were earthy and grounded and celebratory and passionate.  I picked the song I wanted to be played as guests arrived, the song as the wedding party walked down the aisle, the song as I walked down with my dad, the song during our sand ceremony and the song during the recessional.  I printed all the selections in my programs (which I designed).

Guess which one he got wrong?  Yup.  The bridal processional.  The one where I walk down with my daddy – the first man most girls love.  It was a long walk along a lengthy fountain to our “alter.”  I couldn’t hear the music right away, but the moment I could I realized it was the song that was to be played previously, when my bridesmaids walked down.  It wasn’t as melodic or pretty as the one I’d chosen for me.  And it immediately sent me into a head whirlwind of wanting to stop and start over.

I turned to my dad and said, “He’s playing the wrong song.”  My dad told me to let it go.  I’m sure he was emotionally involved in this moment as I’m his only daughter, hell, I’m his only child, and he probably wanted to share it with me as much as I wanted to share it with him and all I could think is that the guitar player was playing the wrong song.  Our wedding coordinators were there, too (mainly just day-of), and they were filming and as we passed them I looked over and mouthed, “He’s playing the wrong song,” in hopes that they, as my coordinators, would fix it.  No such luck.  In the video I got from our videographers, you can actually hear me say those words.  It’s kind of embarrassing to watch.  I tried to reconnect with my dad and let it go, but it kept bothering me.

You can see it on my face here:

dadandme

As we walked, I had moments where I REALLY wanted to try to change what was happening with the music and moments where I just REALLY wanted to connect with this moment with my dad.

When I got up to the alter and I found myself facing my husband-to-be, I said to myself, “Liza, you need to let this go NOW or you will miss your entire wedding.”  And I did.  I let it go.  I can’t say there weren’t moments later when I didn’t think about the mishap and wish it didn’t happen, but during the ceremony where I became a wife to my love, Tom, I let it go.  And I focused on it.  And it’s truly wonderful that I did.  I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I’d hung on to something as simple as song to forgo my wedding union.  And that’s really all it is.  Just a song on a guitar played as I walked for few moments in a white dress.  I’m sure no one else present that day has any recollection of ANY song that was played, let alone that one.

It would have been even more beautiful had I let it go earlier and truly connected in with my father, my hero and role model (along with my mom), as we participated in an age-old tradition, a true part of the transformation.  But you learn from these things.  And I believe things happen for a reason.  I had a truly wonderful time with my dad.  We’d taken a walk together the night before during the rehearsal dinner and talked then.  Plus, I’m so immensely grateful now that I live near him and my mom.  I connect with them every chance I get.

So, enough about me.  Brides, I invite you to let go.  To free fall.  The meaning behind the day, the union of you and your loved one, and your friends and family that are there to witness it are there to catch you.  Some weddings feel perfect, some less than perfect.  But, if you can let go and embrace whatever comes your way as a beautiful gift, you can’t avoid perfection.  Newlyweds, if you’re rehashing moments that weren’t what you expected, I invite you to consider that maybe they were just what were supposed to be.

Letting go of perfection can allow true beauty, connection and meaning to come.

Just wanted to share this AMAZING photo from Jonathan Campbell!  We went to the Thirty-Something Bride‘s place last night to help her taste her lovely wine for wedding potential.  And, just as she stated her blog, I HAD to post this photo, too!  You should have seen the lighting.  It was horrific – for a photo at least.  Great for wine tasting, cheese eating and wedding chatting.  Not so good for people flattering.  And Jonathan refused to use any kind of artificial light – all natural, he said!  He also said the lens was some kind of lens that would make us all look awesome.  I admit, I was slightly skeptical.  Well, skepticism be gone!  This photo rocks.  I feel like it should be on the cover of a magazine.  A magazine highlighting how awesome everyone in it is.

jcpblog200905070001

From left to right: Ashley from THE Ashley’s Bride Guide, Sharon Campbell (Jonathan’s wife), Tabitha of Life a la Mode, Louise who is THE Thirty-Something Bride and, in the way back, the Candyman (Louise’s fiance), and, yes, moi, with a perfectly poised left hand, I might add.

Great night!  Great people!  Making the wedding world wonderful!

I celebrated my one-year anniversary on April 27th.  It was on a Monday, which is much less exciting than a Saturday, but I’m a big stickler for celebrating ON the day.  (And, yes, I was married on a Sunday.  It’s cheaper!) My husband had to work all day so I figured that I would take myself to the spa for a pedicure and various waxing treatments.  If we couldn’t celebrate together, I was certainly going to celebrate on my own until he joined the party.

From there, I drove myself 45 minutes to the oh-so-wonderful Maples Wedding Cakes where the fantastic Jay had re-created the top of my our wedding cake for me us.  At $55 it was a little more than I was expecting to pay, but my anniversary came on the heels of my wedding dress realization (see: Sticking with your intuition – that thing we call your gut), so I was all about doing what I wanted and that you only get one one-year anniversary, so, keeping in mind some kind of budget, just go for it.

On my way back, I stopped into a cute little boutique, the Daisy Chain, here in Cool Springs to find myself a dress.  In the same dress-realization vein as aforementioned, I had decided weeks beforehand that I must have a new dress and it was very likely to be white and very likely to be girly and more along the lines of what I would have gone for with my wedding dress.  Now, I’m not totally off the deep end.  I’m well aware that getting a full-on wedding dress looking dress would be a bit absurd.  And, like I mentioned in the other post, I have plans to get THAT dress and go to Bali where we shall renew our vows in tropical wedded bliss.

As I was trying on dress after dress at the Daisy Chain, I came across two that I liked.  My first instinct was to call my mother and describe, in great detail, each dress and how it looked and how I felt in it and how I felt it would work for the evening and how my husband would like or dislike or not really notice said dresses.  Then, I stopped myself.  I said, much like the kid in the Neverending Story has to put his peanut butter and jelly sandwich down because he has a long way to go (not sure how related that is, but I like it), I said, “Nope.  The deal with the wedding dress is that you were too influenced by what your parents thought.  This time, I’ll pick the one I want.”  This is the dress I went with:

One Year Anniversary Dress

There’s a lot happening with that dress, but I really love it.  It’s super fun. AND, I can wear it again!  Which justified the money I spent.

OK, onwards.  I knew my hubby wouldn’t really be doing much being that he’s got a new job and is working 12-hour days, so I figured I’d have to make pretty and romantic decorations myself.  I didn’t have the time to go nuts, so I just decorated our kitchen table with our champagne glasses from the wedding (or, toasting flutes, as many of the magazines call them) and our cake knife and server, and just to make it even more special, I put out the marbles and candles that we had, too.  Here’s what it looked like:

Anniversary Table

It was cute and it made me smile.  Then, I hopped in the shower and got ready for our evening.  We went to get sushi in downtown Nashville.  It was a little too fusion-y for me, but it was still pretty good.  Then we came home!  And that was about it!

I purposefully didn’t create a lot of expectations for our anniversary.  I mean, I wanted it to be special, but I didn’t want to be disappointed.  We’ve both been so busy with so many things, and I knew I didn’t get to do a few of the things I wanted to and I know he didn’t either.  I knew I wanted the cake, a new dress and some sushi.  And some quality time with my love.  And that’s what I got. I kind of wanted to dance to our wedding song, but that didn’t happen and that’s okay.  I’ve had plenty of occasions where I’ve created expectations that were way too high and I just ended up miserable.  I kept it simple and focused on us and it was lovely.  Still planning that trip to Bali, though…

Not to seem like I’m plugging my coaching, but if anyone who reads anything on here on leaves a comment that sparks something in your brain or your emotions and you’d like to talk further about it, I’m available in person or by phone for a complimentary session.  There are ways I feel I could truly benefit some people, but I don’t want this blog to turn into a “coaching by Liza” forum.  I want it to be a safe place to express what you’re feeling.  But, like I said, if you’d like to sample coaching and talk about what you’re going through, feel free to email or call.  You can find my contact information on my website at http://www.maidentomarried.com.