I would like to recommend that brides stick to their intuition when planning the wedding, making your invite list, picking your vendors, saying yes to getting married and all that good stuff.  I know it sounds simple, but there are many things that get in the way of our intuition, or reasons why we don’t follow it.

In planning my wedding, there were two places where this showed up and where I didn’t listen to my gut.  One was with my dress.  Now, this may sound silly to some people as today is my one-year anniversary and I’m still harping about my dress.  I told my husband yesterday that I officially decided that my dress wasn’t the one I really wanted to get married in and his response (which made me laugh) was, “That’s ridiculous.  Men don’t deal with ridiculous things.”  And, really, I wouldn’t expect him to get it.  And, of course, my PARENTS didn’t want to hear it.  They paid for the damn thing!

I got my dress at the first place I went to.  My parents flew into LA and we did this whirlwind weekend where we looked at a gazillion locations and tried on dresses and whatnot.  We were in this one dress shop for three hours trying all kinds of things on.  I tried on one dress that was kind of along the lines of what I was going for and my mom, in all her tactfulness, basically said it looked like I was from a third world country.  Awesome.  Then, my dad, who, God bless him, loves that his daughter is at least mildly attractive with a decent body, kept prompting that I should find a dress that shows off my figure.  So, we found a dress that they LOVED and I LIKED.  It’s a gorgeous dress, don’t get me wrong and it looked great.  It’s just not what I truly wanted.  Here’s the dress I wore:  (and, duh, me)

mydress

And, I knew in my gut that this wasn’t the dress for me!  I tried convincing myself in quite a number of hilarious ways.  In Sheryl Paul’s book The Conscious Bride, she talks about the dress being the amulet that you wear to transition from being single to being wife – from being a princess in someone else’s court to a queen in your own.  So, I went on this whole kick that it was my “queen” dress.  And that, by the time I got to the wedding, it would be the dress I truly wanted.  Wow, huh?  Good stuff, there.

I found myself looking for the kind of dress I wanted in my bridal party dress and in my rehearsal dinner dress.  And, funny enough, still didn’t get it in those!  After the wedding, I kept thinking about it.  People, I even dragged my mom into a David’s Bridal not too long ago to see what was there.  Luckily, I did NOT act on the idea of taking off my wedding ring and trying on dresses.

Anyway, the kind of dress I wanted was something a little more flowy, romantic and feminine, even bordering on bohemian.  I kept saying I wanted something with little romantic sleeves or straps. I didn’t picture gems on my dress.

So, I think I finally figured out WHY I chose this dress.  I kept thinking to myself that it couldn’t JUST be about the dress, that there had to be something deeper.  As a bridal coach, I kept thinking about the areas where the transition can affect you and where it was biggest for me, and I think I finally figured it out.  One of the places where the transition was big for me is separating from the root family.  I’m an only child and very close to both my parents – and I have always called them for advice and opinions.  So, when they kept saying how much THEY loved the dress, it was really an opportunity for me to begin that separation process and say, “Thanks, but it’s not what I’m looking for.  Let’s keep looking.”  It would have begun my separation.  Instead, I didn’t want to let go so I went with what they were saying.

And, so, it is what it is.  I, however, have some plans about going to Bali before our 5th anniversary and renewing our vows there in a tropical wedding with the Bali people where I shall wear the dress I dream of! Which may change by then.

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