OK, then, I’ll start. 🙂

I would have indulged in the engagement process more.  Like I said in my first post, I wasn’t one of those girls who grew up planning her wedding.  I was pretty girly, but for whatever reason, I was never full of the whole idea that some glorious day in the distant future my knight will ride up on a white horse and whisk me away and we would live in marital bliss for all eternity.  And, neither were most of my close friends.  Those girls, to me, were foo-fooy (you know) and silly.

So, when my husband-to-be popped the question, I was excited, but I was cool.  I played it all very cool.  And, honestly, I felt pretty calm about it.  (Which created a whole other feeling of, “Shouldn’t I be more excited?  Something’s wrong.” But that’s for another post.)  Not too long after I got engaged, however, “bride head” started to creep in.  The details were swarming in my brain.  I MUST have a very large binder with lots of dividers!!  I NEED to subscribe to wedding websites and obsess over dresses!  And, oh Lord, what is my THEME??!!

But, I didn’t want to be too crazy about it.  After all, I wasn’t that girl.  And neither were my girlfriends.  I kept telling everyone I didn’t want to be obnoxious about it.  But I kind of did.  Every where I went I wanted to tell people that I was engaged.  Heck, I just wanted them to intuitively KNOW I was engaged and promptly proceed to fawn over my ring and be facinated while I told them my plans.  But I never told anyone that…because I wasn’t that girl.

Oh, and as for my BACHELORETTE PARTY!  I had PLANS for that!  I only had four bridesmaids.  Two were in LA with me, one was in Nashville and one was in Indiana.  I figured the two far away would keep telling me that they couldn’t afford to come, but that they’d surprise me and show up.  My two LA ladies would pick them up at the airport and they’d all come get me, throw a cheap veil on my head and off we’d go!  Out of town and up the coast!  Dinner, drinks, dancing, girl time!  All the while letting EVERYONE we came across know that I…WAS…GETTING…MARRIED!!  But I didn’t tell them.  I hoped they’d just know.

It’s not like they did a crappy job by any means!  The two from out of town couldn’t afford to come in, so my other two took me to get a facial during the day, then over to one of their places to get ready for the evening, then out to a wine a tapas bar and finally to see a band play that we liked.  It was a great evening.  Earlier, though, I’d said that I didn’t want anything crazy like a big penis headband.  So, they took that to mean I didn’t want anything on my head, cheap veil included.  We didn’t tell anyone it was my bachelorette party.  I guess I could have, but I totally wanted them to.  I had set myself up with such high expectations of what I wanted this to be that I ended up really sad at the end of the evening.  And, really, it wasn’t about the headband and going up the coast.  It was about these traditional rites of passage that we have set up and being able to FEEL them.  And being able to EXPRESS what we want and need throughout this process.  And saying, screw being cool about it all.  Well, that’s what I needed to say.

Somewhere along the way, I thought I would do a little weekly ritual of a bath and a mud mask or something and maybe journal.  Just something that would help me with my journey that wouldn’t intrude too much on time with my friends.  I mean, I didn’t want to be THAT girl who wouldn’t shut up about it all.  So, I figured I’d do it alone.  Well, it kind of went down the crapper when I never did it!

My mom is a play-it-cool kind of lady, too.  Maybe where I got it from.  She was in Nashville.  She came out once before the wedding with my dad and we found the location and dress that weekend.  I went home for Christmas and saw my parents then, but she didn’t come out again until the wedding.  It’s been almost a year and she’s still kicking herself for not coming out for my dress fitting. Having my mom at my fitting would have been a lovely memory and such a great moment for the two of us during this journey (as she was on her own journey of watching her only child get married).  But, we weren’t those girls.  Who has time to stop work just for a dress fitting?  But, really, it’s not just a dress fitting.  It’s a moment to share as you start to let go.

I don’t mean to make it all sound so meloncholy or like I’m wallowing in something not worth of wallowing in, really!  It’s just…looking back…I wouldn’t have played it so cool.  I would have indulged in being engaged, in sharing it with everyone, letting my uncoolness light my path!  That, and I would have spoken up about what I really wanted and tried to let go of expectations.  There are massive expectations that instantly smack you in the face when you get engaged!

What are you expecting?  Anything unrealistic?  Anything you can just ask for?

Enjoy the process.  Indulge.  ENGAGE in it.  Love it.  It’s yours.

I do belive that things are what they are and that everything happens for a reason.  Would I go back if I could?  …maybe 🙂

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